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An open letter to George Lucas

January 10, 2012

While I was waking up this morning to my butler’s gentle calls, CNN on the televisor, and small mammals trained to give me foot massages, my delicate and discerning senses took in one of the most egregious commercials ever created. It was a commercial for the new feature film Red Tails, a film about Tuskegee Airmen in WWII written and produced by George Lucas and LucasFilms. The commercial featured no spoken dialoge. There might have been some text flashed on screen but I couldn’t read it as I hadn’t yet put in my monocle. I was able to hear some elated cries and yells from the joys from flying and defeating enemies. I can tell you from the personal experience of flying my vintage Fokker Dr.1 Triplane while shooting flocks of seagulls with my gold plated .44 magnum revolver, it is quite an exhilarating experience. So you might say, “So what, it’s not the best commercial, but who cares?” As a fan of George Lucas’ early work, a history buff, and a musician, I care. I care because the music featured the grating and mind numbing sounds of dubstep. Not even decent dubstep, terrible dubstep. Not only was I injured physically, I was so enraged that I called my REALLY angry letter writer to dictate to (I’ve only called my REALLY angry letter writer once before; when my Campbell’s Chunky Chicken Noodle didn’t contain any chicken). Here is the result.

Dear George Lucas,
Your insolence pains me. I have endured the excrement that you have squatted and unleashed upon the world in recent history, but this is the last straw. There is no reason why dubstep should be used for a movie about the Tuskegee Airmen. I am sure that this act was just your businessman brain thinking that dubstep would make the movie more appealing to the dubstep generation. The sad thing is that you are probably right, all you need are some neon colored shirts and a promotional deal with Four Loko and you might convince them to see a film that doesn’t have superheros or toasters transforming into hamster-men (that is what the transformers is about, right? Well if not, it should be).

Here is the overarching problem Lucas. The more I look into it, the more I find that other people are responsible for most of the brilliant points of your career (Star Wars, Indiana Jones, and creating Pixar). Consequently, the more you engage in any creative processes (The new Star Wars Trilogy, their rerelease in 3D, Indy and the Kingdom of Dumb Crystal Aliens, and I can only assume the Red Tails commercial) the more I doubt the existence of any genius you are so often credited for. In fact, you are bringing human evolution backwards by hogging technology and talented people that could be used for good films, like ones about toasters transforming into hamster-men.

So in closing, I would like to give you a stern talking to. That is about the best I can do because not even a man with small foot massaging mammals could make you do anything against your will due to the status you have achieved while climbing Mt. Olympus on the backs of others. You need to stop writing and directing movies. That doesn’t mean you should stop MAKING movies. You have the funds, superior technology, toy marketing abilities, and outreach to acquire the best writers, directors, actors, and other real artists to do the job that you think you have the artistic talent to do. Once you do that, never visit the writers, set, or editing studio, ever, EVER. While this is no guarantee that they will produce a masterpiece, they will avoid produce something with your artistic touch which would bring in profits but would have the artistic appeal of boarding a zephyr named “Hindenburg II”. The contrary would indeed bring in profits due to your name being attached and your stellar action figure marketing, but might actually be a good film as well.

Please consider my suggestion as well as paying the attached hospital bill of a concussion and collapsed lung treatment due to viewing your commercial for Red Tails.

Regards with anger,
Big Bowtie

Dictated but not read.

Microsoft: The Ultimate “Me Too” Company

October 20, 2011

Today at my real job, I was doing a story on a new publication by a state’s tourism board. The new publication featured what I thought were QR codes (for those who don’t know what QR codes are, they are basically square barcodes that you can scan with your smartphone’s camera that take you to a specific web page). However, these QRs looked different. Read more…

New Years: An Argyle Life Resolution

December 31, 2010

First and foremost, Happy New Years! I hope you all have a safe and wonderful new year, just be careful tonight. Secondly, I apoligize for not having posted anything in a while. There were pressing matters at hand that needed to be handled. And they were handled successfully for the most part. Now on to this new post…

This should be a required reading for anyone living the Argyle Life. 1001 Rules for my Unborn Son is a blog by Walker Lamond that features multitudes of small bits of fatherly wisdom that pretty much form the ultimate guidebook for anyone wanting to be a gentleman (as anyone living the Argyle Life should). Read more…

Smartphones: A Social Analysis

November 18, 2010

In the early to mid 2000’s, God bestowed a device originally only meant for elites to us commoners.  These were of course smartphones.  Now I know there are more types than these, but in America there are three major players in the smartphone market; Blackberrys, iPhones, and Android Phones.  As soon as each of these phones respectively hit the market, a strange thing started to happen; certain social groups gravitated to certain phones.  This list is in no way comprehensive, but just a few of the observations I have made as far as which social groups choose which smartphones.  (The Argyle Life does not officially endorse one smartphone over another.  They all have their merits and flaws.) Read more…

Why the Men’s Restroom is so efficient.

November 4, 2010


The Men’s Restroom is undoubtedly one of the crowning achievements of the gender.  The “Lou” is a sanctuary that runs on a system so simple and efficient, it’s amazing that its merits haven’t been applied to other things.  Women often look upon Men walking into a bathroom with envy as they wait in a line that protrudes from the bathroom itself.  So what makes the Men’s Restroom so efficient?  Other than the fact that Men have the biological advantage of the penis, which allows for easy and fairly clean upright urination, there is an unspoken code that all men are taught from birth and follow (for the most part).  I am risking my Man Club Membership by breaking silence on this code in effort of comedy for Men as well as advice for Women.  So take note… Read more…

Why we shouldn’t care if Google actually wanted to take over the world.

November 2, 2010

I got the idea for this article from a rant one of my very liberal professors delivered in class. He brought up the topic of information farming, specifically in supermarkets. For those of you who are unaware, the various “value clubs” that each supermarket has have two purposes. The one that everyone knows about is of course the discounts you can get on certain products. The other that not so many people are aware of is that they are using the information of what you buy to create a profile of what kind of consumer you are. They then use this information to target specific advertisements at you that you might find relevant to your purchasing habits. Now I knew this before Professor Hippie went on this rant, but what he shed light on is how scared some people are of this. So that brings me to the topic at hand; Google. Google is undoubtedly the most renowned company in western culture for the compiling and organization of information. So much so that its name has become synonymous with the act of searching for information on the web. So is this bad? Should we be concerned that Google is trying to compile and organize all the information in the world? Are they trying to take over the world? In short, no they aren’t. But if they were planning too, or eventually do take over the world, it wouldn’t be a bad thing. Before I explain why, I’m going to give you a little background info on the company. Read more…

The Argyle Life’s view on vandalism: Don’t do it

October 21, 2010

The next post was supposed to be on Google, but current events have lead me to this article.  The Google article is still in the works and should be the next article.

One would think that this would be a standard view shared by all lifestyles and cultures and not just a facit of the argyle lifestyle.  Late Tuesday night I learned the sad reality.  I work at our school’s library and have a late night shift  on Tuesdays.  Like I do for almost everything short of going back to my hometown in Jersey, I ride my bike there and park it in a designated bike lot where there is never less than 25 or so bikes parked.  When I got off my shift at midnight and go to get my bike, I come to find it was the victim of a vandalism attempt.  I say vandalism attempt because it is a pretty high quality mountain bike that is designed to be abused and mostly everything is still intact.  However, the dengus who did it managed to get the chain off, bend the derailer (part of the gear changing mechanism) and provide a host of new paint scratches (which I could care less about).  The chain was an easy fix but the derailer needs professional attention.  Luckily this bike is only about a month old and the shop is going to repair it for free.  But this brings me to my main point… Read more…

Coming Soon: Why we shouldn’t care if Google actually wanted to take over the world.

October 20, 2010

Hint/Myth Busted: They don’t actually want to take over the world.

R2… Fire Up the Converters

October 20, 2010

I’ve been interested in starting a blog for a while and finally received the encouragement I needed from a guest speaker in a class. Not only is it something fun but it can also possible further career opportunities. So… Welcome to the Argyle Life! What the hell does that even mean? Well here is what I think it is. This is a selection from this site’s About section. It will always be there but I feel that explaining the Argyle Life would be a perfect first post.

This site explains the world from the point of view of someone who lives the Argyle Life. What is the Argyle Life? I’m glad you asked. In a simple answer, it is this; argyle socks. But as I said before, this is a lifestyle and there is much more involved within than the sock of choice of said lifestyle. Read more…

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